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Lack of Self Worth and Feeling Enough

A lack of self worth and feeling not good enough may be one of the biggest dis-eases on the planet.

So much pain, suffering in humans and their actions comes from this place of being.

I am not going to go into long lists of ways that it is created in people or to say that the contrast that created this way of thinking isn’t there. Things like upbringing, epigenitics, environment, trauma, media and many more things are all having a part in this.

Lets not say that people that are living in this space are consciously choosing to feel this way or that they wanted to feel that way, but I and many others are living examples that it is our choice to change that way of thinking.

We can spends a lifetime finding the reasons for why we are who we are. There are also lots of people to talk to about that if you need.

My interest for others and myself though is changing these inner beliefs in the fastest way possible and then really flourishing in life. To flourish I see as being in a place where a person feels fulfilled by their own doings and even when they are doing nothing. Then if they chose to they are able to work towards or achieve their dreams even if those dreams create fear and contrast.

Some of my wanting to overachieve in sports and many other traits like people pleasing and inability to commit to certain things were fueled in part by a lack of self worth. Although I wasn’t really conscious fully of this until a few years ago.

After my accident though a near complete break in confidence about healing and self worth took over to a point where it was actually inhibiting my healing and fulfillment in life. Prior to the accident it had helped me in many ways to succeed at things in life like work and goals.

There are actually many areas of lower self esteem and self worth that spur people to create incredible things or do incredible things in the world. So it isn’t all bad but ultimately it is damaging to mental, emotional and physical health and I believe does more harm in the world than benefits.

Also once you get to a place where you truly believe that you are good enough, you can achieve incredible things. Incredible things that are fueled by love, joy and passion instead of feeling the need to do them or you might not be good enough.

So I consciously became aware of what was going on and decided I was going to change this. I wasn’t aware of how to at the time due to the chaos created by my trauma yet I had a direction I wanted to head into.

Self care was a large part of the initial stages for me and limiting myself to exposure of things that I perceived as showing me I wasn’t good enough. When you are in very poor health that it quite a challenge as you can’t escape yourself and I had a laundry list of symptoms to remind me that I wasn’t healthy.

Spending time each day seeing where there was health was beneficial. At first it felt like lying but then I genuinely was able to find things. Even though my ears were ringing constantly I could still hear some other things so there was some health there. If I scratched myself then it healed even if it appeared to be at a slower rate.

Every day I would write all of these things own and practice physically and emotionally feeling appreciation for the health I did have. The more you do this the more it becomes a habit and the more it filters into other areas of your life.

Meditation and breathe work were huge initial contributors to changing mindset and beliefs. Before I started to practice these, life at that time was as a whole was very overwhelming. My brain and body weren’t working like they used to so there was a constant feeling of being crushed by all this suffering. Meditation and breathing created space for you to think from another place. My mind can become quiet enough that you start to see what is going on with yourself and the world around you with less judgement and more acceptance.

As meditation became easier and easier then I had moments of peace and love that I had never even felt before. This in itself was incredibly powerful as now I was fully aware of my perceived disabilities and real disabilities at the time yet I was able to feel immense love and appreciation.

That on its own was like taking some sort of super human pill. I wasn’t really doing much more than sitting in a chair staring out of a window every day. I was in constant pain and anxiety yet at the same time I had moments of feeling total bliss. I was getting to that place of contentment with nothing more than breathing and meditation and it was me that was creating it. I wasn’t doing anything external to myself.

So these are things I recommend everyone to spend time on no matter what your health is.

Over time I then started to notice that while I was meditating I was great and yet after coming back to the “real world” my pain, thoughts and fears would drag me back again.
This was still a huge improvement over how I was before but now I had something new, I had hope so then my time was spent meditating then when I wasn’t I was playing with things like heart rate variability, brain retraining, tapping, chanting, prayer, mantras, affirmations, I am statements. Every moment was focused on something new and assessing how it helped these wakeful moments.

Failure just became a daily practice of acceptance towards it to the point that it didn’t have the same weight that it used to for me. Every day could be seen as a massive failure compared to a healthy person yet that mindset didn’t helped me so I changed it.

Changing to a place of seeing how everything including failures are serving you is so powerful. If they don’t appear to be serving you then look for it until you find it. How is anxiety serving you?, how did the accident serve you? how did the conflict serve you? What positive things would never have come into your life without whatever it was that you have or happened to you? Then start linking these benefits to the thing that you were resisting.

Did anxiety get you to start looking after your health?, Did it get you out of a unhealthy relationship?, did it get you to find spirit? did it lead you to meditation? did it repair the relationship with your parents? Just keep going until you find more and more proof of service.
There should be a point where you feel a physiological shift in yourself and then maybe it will start to show you the divine perfection of life and how our voids create who we are and guide us when we are lost.

Then another way to reprogram your subconscious to new thoughts and patterns is by repetition and habit. So spending time every day running over in your mind and out loud that “I am enough”. Do this over and over until it just becomes habit. Personally I made the commitment that this is something to do for the rest of my life. When you really get this going and flow with that statement. When you live more time in a place of being that you are perfect just the way that you are now without changing anything it really changes your life and release a lot of internal resistance.

It also creates a space where you can allow yourself to make mistakes. When you allow failure then you open your world up to be able to create incredible things and go beyond what you thought was possible for yourself.

Well I could keep going on and there its lots more I wish to share but that seems like enough for today.

Love and peace always

Simon


Meditation Sessions Sunday December 15th and 22nd

I will be running Meditation Sessions on the Sundays of December 15th and 22nd at midday in Calgary.

The theme of these dates are around healing and love to be connected individually and then together as a group to raise the intention of the focus and ideally the benefit for the group.

If you are interested then please email simon (at) sograteful.ca or you can DM though the sograteful.ca instagram account here.


Resistance Pain and The Key To Suffering or Not

Whether it be physical, emotional or mental pain the cause of the suffering is our resistance to it and perceived or wished separation from it.

This is why many healers will encourage you to lean into the pain, sit with it and feel it fully. You may say well physical pain is different and it is to a degree but the prolonging of suffering of physical pain is our resistance to it or the event.

Due to spending most of my life in “extreme sports” or just sports as I see them was that I incurred a pretty large list of injuries including many broken bones and internal injuries. So in the past I had a lot of opportunities to experience pain in myself and friends and see its effects over a long period. Plus experience and see the compounded effect on the mind and emotions of multiple traumas on top of traumas.

When I raced motocross it was so common to have people around that were injured with some kind of broken bone that it was just accepted as a part of it. In fact is was sort an ongoing joke really where people would see humor in these injuries. In this arena of acceptance and joy I saw people and myself recover incredibly fast. There were occasions that were long but many were faster than expected and didn’t have the misery and complaining that you can sometimes see in others when they are injured.

The majority of the time my friends just couldn’t wait to get back riding again. Also very few of them did any type of recovery work or physiotherapy. Unless you see going to watch more racing or going to the pub and drinking as therapy.

If you see a dog break a leg or a child break an arm initially there is the yelping and screaming then after that has past a lot of the time they then just go around limping with a wag of their tail or smiling with a cast on their arm. The initial impact is unpleasant and then they let it go and carry on with life, unless adults train them to hang on to that pain or event and not let it go.

As you age and traumas accumulate over time the belief in healing or joy for life can fade and I believe this drastically alters healing and experience of pain, be it physical or emotional. There becomes a resistance to life and pain. We forget about how we were as kids and would just let stuff go and start to fully believe that healing takes a long time or pain can be with you for a lifetime. The is true for many people but it doesn’t always have to.

There is a very well used saying that what you resist persists. What I don’t think gets realized as often is that a lot of that resistance can be subconscious and seated in the Amygdala. Jumbled up with lots of emotions and past traumas which can make it very hard at times to just let go. When you have spent time with chronic illness that mentally, emotionally and physically manifests in a loop.

I spent hours and hours every day meditating for a year to deal with physical, mental and emotional pain and experienced some incredible moments. One that was very strong for me was one day when I was in pretty extreme pain from my back injury at the time. I wasn’t taking any form of pain medication by choice as I didn’t want any chemicals altering my already fragile mind in those moments of my life.

Meditation allowed my mind to let go of the fear of the pain and injury so I could cope with my days. Then on one day I just had the feeling of having enough of this pain in my back. So I meditated on that pain, I felt it deeply. This was actually coming from quite an angry place within me, it certainly wasn’t a traditional place of zen love. I remember just thinking screw you I’m going to meet you head on pain I’m going to be bigger than you. I held that place and the anger passed and I just sat with the pain, the same pain I felt every moment of every day for a year. The pain that was the “straw that broke the camels back” of my mind and then like a miracle it just dissipated. The pain just was gone. I spent around an hour meditating in that place just marveling at what had happened.

I had magically found some incredible key to a part of life and it profoundly changed my beliefs from then on. The power of the mind and releasing resistance. Now for many people that read a lot of spiritual books then hearing this may not sound like anything new. For me though I hadn’t read any of these books or heard that it was possible. In fact I still don’t read many of these books. I read a lot but I have shy-ed away from reading much about what I am experiencing as innately wanted to experience to be mine so that I would know completely that it was true to me.

That knowing creates a level of being within you that changes your life from then on that you can’t go backwards from. One of my goals is to help others find that within themselves also.

I will finish on simplifying a little about emotion, pain and suffering. The suffering is our trying to be separate from something we perceive we don’t want or perceiving we don’t have something and wanting to have it.

Happiness, sadness, calm, pain are all emotions that are all feelings. Some we say are good others we say are bad. Some we embrace some we resist. Some we hug tight some we push away. When we start to look at emotional or physical pain as just another feeling like all the others though and train ourselves to see them all as equal and and all as serving us in some way then it becomes easier to let them go.

We laugh freely in public as so we should be able to cry freely as well. Many people hate freely as so we should be able to love freely too.

In this space of acceptance, oneness and flow there is less suffering and a clearer view of the divine beauty of life.

Love and Peace

Simon

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Get Aligned Get Going

We can be our worst enemies at times by stopping ourselves from achieving great dreams or even just finding peace within ourselves and others.

A lot of this comes from unconscious and conscious beliefs which we may or may not be aware of. Depending on how you are internally wired this can manifest in very strong physical sensations that trick us in to thinking things are very real and that there is good reason not to do them or try them.

Many of you have had tough times in life and traumas that have lead you to where you are and I don’t believe that we should try and negate them and pretend they didn’t exist as the more you resist the more they persist. So how do you move forward? Maybe you have just come to accept that’s how it is to be human?

I use a lot of my own story of struggles and recovery to teach as it helps others to connect with and believe that there is hope and possibility. The sticky side of doing that is it brings up those times into my own life again they kind of become relived especially as the mind believes whatever you are thinking is happening even if its just a thought or visualization. So what to do with that. I can feel some tightening in my stomach as I write this. Well although there is a large part of me that easily sees all of the benefits of my journey there are other parts that remember the pain of the past and then start to relive them in the present.

This is common with people and is a big part of why a lot of people live in a cycle of repeating the same scenario over and over again. So what I do is not spend too much time thinking about the past if I can help it and if I do it to be used as a tool or resource to help myself or others. So there is a positive and expanding reason or serving and helping others for myself anyways. The process of making whatever you are doing bigger than yourself. When your goal or wishes are bigger than yourself it is easier to get out of your own way.

Then what I feel is a really important piece is finding and feeling appreciation for what these events or times in life have done to serve us and help us now. This can be challenging especially if these are deep traumas for someone but I haven’t found a time yet where I haven’t been able to find benefits to something that has happened to me or others. It can be painful looking sometimes and really hard to do so but when you find the service in all events and situations you are able to alter your perception which alters your thinking which alters your actions and allows you to willingly find appreciation for it.

This releases the power that past events can have over us even if it is all unconscious.

That is one part and then another is to find alignment with what you want to do. At my lowest point I was constantly experiencing extreme fear and panic every hour of the day. For the brief time I took a sleeping pill and got a few hours rest I got a small amount of relief then it was straight back to it as soon as I was marginally conscious again.

I was very aware that none of this seemed rational or that it was at all useful or that I wanted it. In fact I couldn’t stand being like that yet there I was every day reliving the same existence. This relentless perceived uncontrollable time that I was living was a great gift. When I started to see it as a gift and appreciate it then it became a place of power. I didn’t really ever get a break from it and it created so much wanting in me that it fueled my journey of discovery. It did this in a way so well that I wouldn’t stop looking for way out no matter what I was experiencing.

I created and discovered thoughts and concepts that I truly don’t believe I could have had the energy or persistence to pursue and experience without it.

Due to the constant extreme panic and fear I was feeling, even walking outside the front door was insanely hard and painful for me. Only a short time before I was flying around motocross tracks on my motorbike or hitting big jumps on my snowboard and feeling exhilarated and alive. Then I was struggling make a bowl of oatmeal without feeling the world was going to end.

I would play around with this constantly all day as really I didn’t believe there was any other option at the time. What I was constantly aware of was the thoughts and feelings that everything was doomed and going to go wrong terribly wrong. I knew it wasn’t true based on all my past life of experience yet how I was feeling was saying a totally different story.

With things like jumping off a cliff on a snowboard it is easier to say oh yer that’s dangerous I shouldn’t do it but when you are looking at something like walking down the street or smiling at someone in public its a little harder to believe.

When I sat back and tried to observe what was going on I noticed a lot that my mind was constantly seeing everything that could go wrong in everything big and small and none of the benefits. After briefly watching a short video by Marissa Peers and randomly hearing some Abraham hicks speeches I started to play around some more with a focused intention.

At first I picked my action and fear of it to work with, which there were a copious amount and then got to work. I just started doing the action, lets say walking down the street and started saying I love this, I love this, I love this over and over. I then would start saying out loud the benefits of it. Doing this I found some shifts and a lot of resistant pain but I actually experienced a shift even if it only briefly. The benefits for me weren’t permanent at the time and by finding some progress and then almost immediately going backwards the feeling failure was rearing its head hundreds of times a day.

Where I was health wise was so bad though that multiple mini moments of improvement followed by the feeling of failure was an improvement so I just kept on going and going, over and over again. This became my life a constant stream of practicing, assessing, altering thoughts consciously combined with hours of meditation, HRV and other practices.

This went on for three years and over that time I have healed beyond what I ever dreamed possible. I rarely sometimes get moments where some buried old trauma or thought patterns reappear and work through it really quickly now. A lot of my time is still spent improving, experimenting and pushing my own boundaries and then teaching others to do the same.

Pain and suffering are unavoidable at times in life yet they don’t have to define you or inhibit you from pursuing your dreams.

What I have spent a lot more time on lately is working on creating more ease in life through conscious forethought prior to things that I am going to do. When you are pushing your boundaries on a daily basis there can be the habit of always fighting to get ahead and always pushing through things.

By deciding what you want to achieve and then feeling what you want to feel before hand though the process of getting there flows so much more easily. In fact it will become a process of ease and not grinding. It doesn’t mean that you wont sweat on your run or experience stress to the mind or body but you will have a different experience of those stresses. You don’t grind against them you flow with them.

Well thank you for reading. I apologize for grammar and ease of reading if its challenging. I want to write more and get information out with some flow and due to that I’m spending no time checking grammar and English. Just letting the words come and then over time I’ll improve with practice.

Love and peace

Simon


What Is Practical Spirituality ?

Before an accident a few years ago I didn’t have any sort of conscious knowledge of, or practice of spirituality. I was aware on a conscious level of always wanting as much joy in my life as possible of being kind and helpful to others but that just seemed to be my natural state it wasn’t something I was trying to attain.

After my injuries though as I became more and more desperate for any kind of relief or healing I started to become aware of and interested in something else that maybe hadn’t consciously crossed my path before.

This first started with things like deep diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, Qi Gong, brain retraining, Yoga the list goes on then the resulting feelings and thoughts I had after.

After starting playing with all of these practices I noticed a lot more synchronicity and feelings that I hadn’t previously been aware of and this really brought me into a whole new journey into a world of understanding and living.

I became a lot more accepting and open minded which is a pleasant side effect of poor health an desperation. What I really noticed was that many of the practices that I was now looking at had some stigma’s that were attached to belief systems within my mind. These started to fall away for me as I was finding relief but the realization of that and also observing similar hesitations and reservations in others. I basically integrated a spiritual practice into my own life without having to change myself drastically with regards to how I dressed, who my friends were, the kind of work or sports I would or wouldn’t do. At first this was because I was concerned about what people would think if they knew I was trying things like chanting, praying, meditating, stretching in unusual ways, holding crystals, sitting in pyramids, meeting intuitives and everything else I was dabbling in.

This was a double edged sword though as many of the quote unquote spiritual places and people I was meeting were not really full of people that looked or acted like me yet most were very accepting quickly. As much as I was fearful of speaking of speaking about spirit with people in my current life I was also didn’t really want to change how I looked or acted around all of these new friends. So there was obviously a huge amount of room for growth in myself at the time which has changed now but I did see so many others around me that appeared to be the same. Maybe in need or something more from life but maybe didn’t feel comfortable with the unknown or change.

As time moved on I naturally drifted away from certain places, pastimes, foods, recreations and it was because I just changed my preferences but it wasn’t because I somehow wanted to fit in with some new group of spiritual people that acted or dressed in a certain way.

For me I perceived at the time quite a lot of separation between the “non spiritual” and “spiritual” and encountered a lot of strong opinions from both sides regarding the “others”.

At first this was kind of a lonely place to be as I wasn’t really around anyone that seemed to think the same way. I was still really interested in things like skateboarding, motocross, snowboarding, drawing, reading, music, cars yet I saw all of these loves from a different place. I was finding the being and doing of them incredibly nourishing but the things like competition and final results weren’t needed any more to make them fun. I was also spending most of my days in the ether in deep meditation or practice.

I was pretty incapacitated physically, emotionally and mentally for quite a few years so I wasn’t able to physically do a lot of the things I loved like I could before yet I was loving and enjoying them on a whole new level. When I did start to be able to physically do sports again the enjoyment, performance just seemed to be on a totally different level.

As I really had many struggles in all areas of my life while I recovered I started to apply spiritual practices to everything I did from reading a book to my daughter to driving the car, to working small jobs, to consuming media and entertainment. This was out of need at the time as I just wanted life to get a little easier and remove some pain and struggle.

Observing other people I was very aware of how things like social media, socializing, family, children, work, sports were effecting them in negative ways so I started to work on ways within myself that would alleviate or remove them by altering perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, words, practices and actions.

This brought me to developing an approach to applying practical spirituality practices to anyone young or old. Ways that people could still remain in the same work, do the same job, socialize, interact with family, remove or alter fears and basically get a lot more out of life. Deal more easily with stresses and challenges in life and in many cases just remove the perception of stresses completely to live a more masterful life. Then if they choose they may want to alter parts of what they do an interact with but it would come from a place of choice and not a need.

I have a vision of speaking to large groups of people wearing some skate shoes and clothing and speaking about deeply moving spiritual concepts and practices which have most of the time been reserved for people wearing certain things and looking a certain way. I don’t wish to remove, ridicule, inhibit anyone’s way of being or practices within spirituality as it currently sits. I just wish to add to it another option and dynamic to bring spirituality to different and the same groups from a different look and approach.

I myself needed very intense and painful struggles to get me to alter my perceptions yet I wish for others to feel acceptance and comfortable to enter into learning an also experience a world of spiritual being-ness without having to always take the hard route. A place where they can feel accepted and remain just as they are now doing the same things they do now and if they feel the urge to change areas of their life later then that would be their choice. They can also remain in the same work, industries circles of friends, eat the same food and still live a highly spiritual approach to life. They don’t even have to tell anyone they just approach life as they wish on their own terms. It is quite likely though that others will start to notice changes in your being, acceptance and love of self an others, happiness and health though and want to know what you are doing as they would like a piece of it too.

Love and Peace

Simon


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